This is the transcript of a PC manufacturer's new sales help line in conversation with a customer who was having a spot of bother with a new computer.
"Good evening, this is Damon, how can we help you?"
"Well I am having a little trouble with this new PC your company sold me."
"What appears to be the problem?"
"I was working away quite happily in the Word programme, when the words I was writing suddenly disappeared."
"I see, had you backed the file up before this happened."
"Backed it up, you mean like reversing it?"
"No, I mean like did you save them before you lost them."
"No."
"Oh dear, well let's see if we can try to find them for you. What can you see on your screen now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing at all?"
"No, it is completely blank."
"Can you even see your desktop?"
"Yes. I can see that."
"Well try clicking on the little symbol for the word file on the screen and open it again."
"I told you it is completely blank, there's nothing there."
"But you said you could see your desktop?"
"I can."
"What can you see on it?"
"My computer, the phone and a mug of tea?"
"Ah I see, that desktop, OK, let's try this another way. Does your monitor have the power light on?"
"What is the monitor?"
"The screen in front of you that looks like a TV. Are there any small red or green lights on your computer anywhere?"
"No."
"OK, is the power cable still plugged into the back of the PC?"
"Hang on, I'll reach over the back-yes it is."
"OK, is the other end plugged into the wall?"
"Yes it is, look I'm not that stupid?"
"OK, OK, I am just going through all the checks. Is the cable between the back of the screen and the rest of the computer plugged in securely?"
"I don't know, I can't reach round there."
"OK, but if you kneel on the desk can you at least see if it is plugged in securely and not only half in or something like that?"
"Can you hang on, I will have to get a torch."
"A torch?"
"Yes, the only light I have on is coming in through the window."
"Can't you turn the room light on?"
"No, we've just had a power cut."
"A power... a power cut? OK, we have got this sorted out now, do you still have the boxes, manuals and a receipt?"
"Yes, they are all here, I only bought it yesterday."
"Good, that's good. You need to put everything back in the box, exactly as it came and take it all back to the shop with the receipt."
"Oh no, is it really that bad?"
"Yes, I am afraid it is that bad."
"OK, what shall I tell them when I get there?"
"Well, ask for your money back. Just tell them that you really are too stupid to own a computer after all."
Click.
