"I would like to have you visit my house," he said."I might help you in investing or laying out your money.I am a very wealthy man.I have a daughter about grown, and I would like for you to know her.There are not many young men I would care to have call on her.""I'm obliged," said Thomas."I'm not much at ****** calls.It's generally the side entrance for mine.And, besides, I'm engaged to a girl that has the Delaware peach crop killed in the blossom.
She's a parlor maid in a house where I deliver goods.She won't be working there much longer, though.Say, don't forget to give your friend my grandfather's best regards.You'll excuse me now; my wagon's outside with a lot of green stuff that's got to be delivered.
See you again, sir."
At eleven Thomas delivered some bunches of parsley and lettuce at the Spraggins mansion.Thomas was only twenty-two; so, as he came back, he took out the handful of five-hundred-dollar bills and waved them carelessly.Annette took a pair of eyes as big as creamed onion to the cook.
"I told you he was a count," she said, after relating."He never would carry on with me.""But you say he showed money," said the cook.
"Hundreds of thousands," said Annette."Carried around loose in his pockets.And he never would look at me.""It was paid to me to-day," Thomas was explaining to Celia outside.
"It came from my grandfather's estate.Say, Cele, what's the use of waiting now? I'm going to quit the job to-night.Why can't we get married next week?""Tommy," said Celia."I'm no parlor maid.I've been fooling you.
I'm Miss Spraggins--Celia Spraggins.The newspapers say I'll be worth forty million dollars some day."Thomas pulled his cap down straight on his head for the first time since we have known him.
"I suppose then," said he, "I suppose then you'll not be marrying me next week.But you _can_ whistle.""No," said Celia, "I'll not be marrying you next week.My father would never let me marry a grocer's clerk.But I'll marry you to-night, Tommy, if you say so."Old Jacob Spraggins came home at 9:30 P.M., in his motor car.
The make of it you will have to surmise sorrowfully; I am giving you unsubsidized fiction; had it been a street car I could have told you its voltage and the number of wheels it had.Jacob called for his daughter; he had bought a ruby necklace for her, and wanted to hear her say what a kind, thoughtful, dear old dad he was.
There was a brief search in the house for her, and then came Annette, glowing with the pure flame of truth and loyalty well mixed with envy and histrionics.
"Oh, sir," said she, wondering if she should kneel, "Miss Celia's just this minute running away out of the side gate with a young man to be married.I couldn't stop her, sir.They went in a cab.""What young man?" roared old Jacob.
"A millionaire, if you please, sir--a rich nobleman in disguise.He carries his money with him, and the red peppers and the onions was only to blind us, sir.He never did seem to take to me."Jacob rushed out in time to catch his car.The chauffeur had been delayed by trying to light a cigarette in the wind.
"Here, Gaston, or Mike, or whatever you call yourself, scoot around the corner quicker than blazes and see if you can see a cab.If you do, run it down."There was a cab in sight a block away.Gaston, or Mike, with his eyes half shut and his mind on his cigarette, picked up the trail, neatly crowded the cab to the curb and pocketed it.
"What t'ell you doin'?" yelled the cabman.
"Pa!" shrieked Celia.
"Grandfather's remorseful friend's agent!" said Thomas."Wonder what's on his conscience now.""A thousand thunders," said Gaston, or Mike."I have no other match.""Young man," said old Jacob, severely, "how about that parlor maid you were engaged to?"A couple of years afterward old Jacob went into the office of his private secretary.
"The Amalgamated Missionary Society solicits a contribution of $30,000 toward the conversion of the Koreans," said the secretary.
"Pass 'em up," said Jacob.
"The University of Plumville writes that its yearly endowment fund of $50,000 that you bestowed upon it is past due.""Tell 'em it's been cut out."
"The Scientific Society of Clam Cove, Long Island, asks for $10,000 to buy alcohol to preserve specimens.""Waste basket."
"The Society for Providing Healthful Recreation for Working Girls wants $20,000 from you to lay out a golf course.""Tell 'em to see an undertaker."
"Cut 'em all out," went on Jacob."I've quit being a good thing.Ineed every dollar I can scrape or save.I want you to write to the directors of every company that I'm interested in and recommend a 10 per cent.cut in salaries.And say--I noticed half a cake of soap lying in a corner of the hall as I came in.I want you to speak to the scrubwoman about waste.I've got no money to throw away.And say--we've got vinegar pretty well in hand, haven't we?'
"The Globe Spice & Seasons Company," said secretary, "controls the market at present.""Raise vinegar two cents a gallon.Notify all our branches."Suddenly Jacob Spraggin's plump red face relaxed into a pulpy grin.He walked over to the secretary's desk and showed a small red mark on his thick forefinger.
"Bit it," he said, "darned if he didn't, and he ain't had the tooth three weeks--Jaky McLeod, my Celia's kid.He'll be worth a hundred millions by the time he's twenty-one if I can pile it up for him."As he was leaving, old Jacob turned at the door, and said:
"Better make that vinegar raise three cents instead of two.I'll be back in an hour and sign the letters."The true history of the Caliph Harun Al Rashid relates that toward the end of his reign he wearied of philanthropy, and caused to be beheaded all his former favorites and companions of his "Arabian Nights" rambles.Happy are we in these days of enlightenment, when the only death warrant the caliphs can serve on us is in the form of a tradesman's bill.
