Desire ate at her again, sharpening her appetite, blunting her resolve. He was Jan's. Had always been Jan's. And therefore couldn't be hers. It was all very well deciding to make the best of the situation; carrying it off was something else again.
欲望再次将她吞噬，刺激着她的味蕾，磨损着她的决心。他是属于简的，他一直都是简的，因此不可能是自己的。做出这样的决定当下最好的选择，可卸下心头重负又是另外一回事了。
Only for five and a half weeks though, her churning brain reminded. Until the third week of January. Surely I can manage that?
只是五周半的时间，她脑子里响起这样的提醒，但脑海中一片混乱。直到一月的第三周。当然，我能够应付的，对吧？
A timer dinged and her stylist returned. He poked about in her sticky hair and nodded with satisfaction. Fiona relaxed as his strong hands kneaded her scalp and massaged the shampoo and conditioner through what was left. He might be whippet-thin, but he was certainly no weakling.
定时器响了，她的造型师来了。他按摩了一下她黏糊糊的头发，满意地点了点头。当他强壮有力的双手捏住头皮，用余下的洗发水和护发素给她按摩时，菲奥娜觉得很放松。他是有些瘦弱，倒也不至于虚弱。
“You'll make me purr,” she said, smiling, hoping he'd continue for a little longer. Anything to take her mind off Christian.
她笑着说；“你像胡噜小猫似的胡噜我。”她希望他能再按摩一会儿。任何能够使她不去想克里斯蒂安的事儿她都希望尽可能长久些。
A few minutes later, a shorter-haired blond inspected her from the mirror. Her hair was attractively tousled and casual, feathery with lifting layers on top. She looked like she'd spent summer by the ocean, and the wind and sun had tossed and bleached and relaxed her.
几分钟后，一位短发的金发女郎从镜子里打量着她。她的头发很迷人，蓬松而随意，头顶的头发层次分明，最顶上那层像羽毛般轻盈。她看起来像是刚在海边度过了夏天，风和太阳把头发晒得褪了色，但也让她很放松。
“Great!” she exclaimed. For it was. Even to herself she looked almost a stranger. She needed a little more eye makeup maybe, but with her brighter new clothes she'd now look so unlike Jan it must surely make things easier for Christian.
“太好了！”她大声说道。因为那正是她所期待的造型。尽管对她来说，那会使自己看起来像个陌生人。她可能需要再上点眼妆，但加上她色彩明亮的新衣服，看上去肯定和简不像，肯定会让克里斯蒂安更容易接受。
*
“What the heck have you done to your hair?” he exploded as soon as she returned to the house. His hands came up as though to tangle in the thick mass that had hung past her shoulders only a couple of hours before. Then he grimaced and dropped them to his sides again.
“你对头发都搞了些什么呀？”她一到家他就爆发了。他的手做出夸张的动作，就像缠在了这一团乱糟糟的头发里了，而就在几个小时前，它们还好好地披在她肩上呢。随后他做了个鬼脸，又把它们放下去了。
“I wanted a change,” she said, stung by his unflattering reaction. “I wanted to not feel like a copy of Jan.”
“我想要换个样子，”她以不愉快的口吻回击到。“我想不成为简的复制人。”
“You're no copy,” he muttered. “You're the original. I always thought Jan took her lead from you.”
“你不是复制人，”他喃喃道。“你就是你啊，是我总想在你身上寻找简的影子。”
This was news to Fiona. Jan was older. Jan set the standards, surely? Being two years younger, Fiona had loved and admired her sister, envying her, just a little, her handsome husband, her luxurious home, and her lively daughter.
这对菲奥娜来说简直就是新闻。简是姐姐，她就是标准，不是吗？菲奥娜比简小两岁，她爱姐姐，敬佩姐姐，还有点嫉妒姐姐，因为姐姐有英俊的丈夫，奢华的房子，还有个可爱的女儿。
So had she reacted by forging off in her own direction? Creating a different style? Making the most of her independence and free-wheeling life? Christian seemed to think so.
那么她只是在自顾自地表演咯？换成不同的风格？极力过她独立而自由的生活？克里斯蒂安似乎是这样认为的。
He raised his hands again and clamped them down onto her shoulders. He swung her from side to side, inspecting her with savage dark eyes. She glared back at him. This wasn't fair—she'd done it for him, and now he was making it plain he didn't like it. She huffed out an angry breath.
他又举起双手放到她肩上，左右晃动着她，愤怒的黑色眼眸细细地打量着她。她也瞪了他一眼。这不公平——她是为了他才做的这些，现在他却直截了当地说他不喜欢。她气得都喘不过气了。
“Sets off your cheekbones,” he said brusquely and released her as though she was red hot. And in truth she was. Burning at the touch of his fingers. Melting under his eyes. Sparking along every nerve. When he was this close, she felt in danger of dissolving into a puddle at his feet.
“放松点，”他突然说道，突然松开了她，就好像她热得发烫一样。事实上她的确挺热的。他手指所触之处简直像燃烧起来了，在他眼里融化，从没有像现在这样火花四射。当他靠得这么近时，她感觉自己快要沦陷在他足下的泥泞中了。
*
With a huge effort, Christian stepped back. The woman was magic. Totally transformed. He'd thought Fiona beautiful before, but now she was temptation itself. Her slender neck was barely covered. His fingertips itched to touch the tiny wisps of newly sun-kissed hair that lay close to her vulnerable nape…to continue the caress out over her shoulder. To lay his lips there and taste her skin, breathe in her fragrance.
克里斯蒂安费了好大的劲儿才迫使自己退了回去。这个女人太不可思议了，简直变了个人。他以前觉得菲奥娜很漂亮，但现在简直成了诱人尤物。她修长的脖颈几乎都露在外面，他恨不得用指尖轻触那披散在她脆弱颈背的一缕新烫的秀发，继而抚摸她的肩膀。亲下去，感受她皮肤，闻一闻她的香水味儿。
He wanted to frame her fine-boned face with his hands…emphasize her femininity with his dark masculine grip…tilt her mouth up to his for a passionate exploration until she breathed faster, grabbed at his arms to pull him closer, spiraled out of conscious control with him.
他想用双手托起她精致的脸庞…用他深沉的男子气概衬托她的妩媚…把她的嘴拉近自己，缠绵热情地亲吻，直到她呼吸急促，抓紧他手臂把他拉得更近，使他意识急剧失控。
But she was so forbidden that even imagining such a scene was absurd.
但她是一种禁忌，甚至连想象这样的场面都是荒谬的。
Obscene.
猥琐
His shoulders tensed with the effort of not touching her again. His nails bit into his palms as he clenched his hands into hard fists.
他的肩膀极力紧绷控制自己不去碰她。他紧握拳头，指甲都嵌进掌心。
He was thankful for the loose black T-shirt hanging over his jeans. Hopefully it disguised the fact he was ramrod stiff. His beloved wife had been dead eight days. The shame and shock of his inappropriate reaction ran through him like needles of super-sharp glass. And still his body twitched and pulsed, barely restrained.
幸好他的T恤很宽松，遮住了牛仔裤，但愿这掩饰了他的窘态。他心爱的妻子才刚刚逝世八天。自己不恰当反应带来的羞耻和震惊，像尖锐的玻璃针一样穿透他。他的身体也不受控制地颤抖起来。
This woman…this woman…
这个女人…这个女人…
A jolt of self-disgust shot through him. Maybe every time he'd made love to his wonderful Jan, Fiona had been buried somewhere deep in his subconscious, intensifying the pleasure waves?
他对自己感到厌恶。也许每次他和心爱的简做爱时，菲奥娜都被他雪藏在潜意识里，从而得到更多的欢愉？
How sick! How absolutely sick!
太恶心的！真是太恶心了！
He found the strength from somewhere to step away. Being alone with her was the purest hell. He needed a diversion, fast.
他发现某种力量正在退去。和她单独待在一起简直就是地狱。他得赶紧离开，尽快。
“Will you come to the barbecue this evening?” he demanded hoarsely.“There'll be several families. I'll be taking Nicky. Will you join us?”
“今晚的户外烧烤你来吗？”他哑着嗓子问，“有几家人会来，我会带上妮基，你愿意加入我们吗？”
He watched as Fiona relaxed just a little. The atmosphere had been electric until that instant. He felt tense as a tiger. Ready to snarl and prowl and spring on any danger.
他看到菲奥娜放松了一些。直到这一刻气氛一直都是带着电光火石的。他紧张得像头受惊的老虎，碰上任何危险就准备咆哮，潜行，一跃而起。
And she was the greatest danger, far from welcome in his home and his life. She'd show him up for what he really was—weak willed when he'd somehow stayed strong these last wrenching months. Predatory, because he could barely keep his hands off her now. Less than the man he'd always tried to be.
而她则是最大的危险，在他家、他生命中，她都不受欢迎。她会使他露出本真的面目——在最后这痛苦的几个月里，他意志并不坚定，却不知怎么还是保住了坚强。他感到自己体内猎食者的天性，因为现在几乎不能控制自己不去碰她。他不再是那个自己想要成为的人了。
“Fine,” she said. “Good. That would be nice. Should I get a salad together or something?”
“好吧，”她说。“好，那很好。我该和你一起吃沙拉或者一起吃点别的什么吗？”
He nodded, hands still bunched into hard fists at his sides. “Yes. Great. I'll grab some wine.”
他点了点头，仍然紧握着双拳。“那太好了，我去找些葡萄酒来。”
He escaped to the huge garage where his wine cellar was built into the underground side wall. He laid his forehead against the cool rock, closed his eyes, and tried to regain his shattered equilibrium. This was hopeless. He was hopeless. She was going to break down all his defenses. It had been bad enough waiting for Jan to slip slowly away. He'd thought the torment of those last few weeks unbearable. He'd been angry beyond belief that his darling wife was being stolen from him. But compared to this?
他赶紧逃往大车库，酒窖是建在地下车库的一面墙上的。他额头抵在冰冷的岩石上，闭上眼睛，试图让自己冷静下来。这太令人绝望了，他简直无可救药。她打算攻破他所有防线。等简从他生命中慢慢退场已经够糟糕了。这几个星期以来的折磨更是让人难以忍受。亲爱的妻子已经离自己而去的事实也异常恼人。但，相比之下，这又算什么呢？
He rolled his head wretchedly, eyes still closed. Compared to this, it had been bearable after all. There had been an end in sight—albeit a shattering end to life as he'd known it.
他痛苦地摇摇头，依然闭着眼睛。相比之下，这毕竟是可以承受的啊。马上就熬到头了——尽管正如他知，这将是一个令人心碎的结局。
But with Fiona? There was not even a beginning in sight. And no chance of one, the way things stood. It was too soon. She was Jan's sister. She worked on the other side of the world. She'd showed no interest in him anyway and never would, and that was just as well. Even if she wanted him, he might lose her the same way he'd lost Jan.
但菲奥娜呢？甚至都没有开始。没有机会，事情就是这样，我们都没有机会。这太快了，她是简的妹妹。她生活在另一个世界。无论如何，她对他都不感兴趣，从前不会，以后也是如此。即使她想要他，他也会像失去简一样失去她。
He piled up the reasons in his feverish brain.
他狂热的脑海里堆积了各种理由。
And added one hopeful disturbing memory—their strange interaction right after she'd cut her finger and he'd grabbed for her.
此外还有一个有望令人不安的记忆——他们之间奇怪的互动：她割破了手指，他握住了她。
She'd been hurt. He'd comforted her. There was no more to it than that, surely? But she'd not objected to him taking charge. And she'd suddenly pressed herself against him for those few intoxicating seconds.
她受伤了，他安慰她。当然，没有比这多了？但她并不反对他饿主导。而就在这令人沉醉的几秒钟里，她突然间就抑制住了自己。
It would be all he had to enjoy, and endlessly re-run in his brain, through the long nights to follow.
这将是他必须享受的一切，并且这些想法日日夜夜反复在脑海中盘旋。
He was thankful there'd be plenty of other company tonight. Being confined in the house alone with Fiona would be absolute hell. Especially now she looked so different, so touchable, so casually attractive, so unlike Jan.
他很感激今晚有其他人的陪伴。和菲奥娜独处一室简直就是地狱。尤其是现在她看上去如此不同，那么触手可及，那么随性，那么迷人，和简完全不同。
She might appear to be a new woman, but all the underlying reasons why he couldn't have her remained exactly the same.
她或许是截然不同的，但他不能留她的根本原因依然是一模一样的。
With a vicious curse, he snapped on the wine cellar's light, and ran a hand along the bottles as he considered the labels.
带着恶毒的诅咒，他打开了酒窖的灯，手划过一排排的酒瓶，好像在查看标签一样。
*
An hour later he stood waiting in the spacious marble tiled entrance foyer as Fiona descended the half flight of stairs from the top bedroom level of the house. She trod with care, holding Nicky in her arms. He'd got together all the baby paraphernalia they'd need.
一小时后，他站在宽敞的大理石瓷砖入口大厅等待，这时，菲奥娜正从顶层卧室下来。她小心翼翼地怀抱着妮基。他把所有需要用到的婴儿用品都放到一起。
Fiona's new feathery hairstyle still shocked him. And instead of her usual conservative clothes she wore lime green trousers that outlined her body in sensuous supple folds. He watched with gnawing hunger as the fabric tightened and relaxed with each slow step.
菲奥娜的轻盈发型依然让他有些不适应。和她平常保守的风格不同，她穿着橘绿色的长裤，衬托出她身材的柔软和美感。款款徐行，摇曳生姿，他看得如饥似渴。
She bent to set Nicky in the stroller, revealing a slippery bright top, scooped low over her breasts. As she dipped, his eyes followed the creamy curves barely contained in black lace. His brain gave a kettledrum kick of wretchedness. She looked so desirable he was sure all the men at the barbecue would be eyeing her, wanting her, pursuing her if they were free to.
她弯腰把妮基放到婴儿车里，低低的领口露出诱人的曲线。当她弯腰时，他的目光紧随着那未被黑色蕾丝覆盖的光滑曲线。他脑中响起不幸的警钟。她看上去让人心生欲望，我敢说今晚户外烧烤的男人都会盯着她看，想要她，追求她，如果他们能够这样做的话。
As he most definitely was not.
而他恰恰是绝不能追求她的那一个。
Dammit to hell—this wasn't what he'd been expecting. So much for being grateful for extra company!
该死——这可不是他所期待的。幸好还有其他人的陪伴！
They settled Nicky and set off to one of the other homes in the exclusive harbor enclave. It was a fine clear evening for walking, which meant he could relax with a few drinks and not worry about having to drive home.
他们安顿好妮基后，动身前往另一家的私人港湾。今夜夜色明朗，很适合散步，这意味着他可以放心喝几杯，并不用担心还需要开车回家。
Relax? That was a laugh. With Fiona looking the way she did now, all his senses were super-tuned, razor-sharp.
放松？简直就是个笑话。菲奥娜现在看他的眼神令他心旌摇曳，浑身打战又带刺儿。
He watched as she stashed her salad on the storage rack below the stroller's seat. Once again her body taunted him.
他看到她把沙拉放到婴儿车座椅下方的存放架上。她的身体再次挑逗着他。
“Will it be safe there?” she asked, looking up at him with sparkling eyes.
“那儿安全吗？”她问道，眼睛闪闪发光。
“Safe as houses. Can you carry the wine?”
“房子挺安全的，你能把酒拿来吗？”
*
Fiona took the calico carry-bag from him and glanced at the bottle motifs stenciled on the fabric. It was no doubt one of Jan's gallery finds;there were reminders of her everywhere. And the biggest reminder walked right beside her—now dressed in snug black jeans and an icy white T-shirt that stretched over his impressive shoulders and chest like a second skin.
菲奥娜从他那接过印花棉布手提袋，瞥了一眼贴在包上的酒瓶图案。毫无疑问，这是在简的画廊里找到的东西；这些提醒无处不在。而最大的提醒正是她旁边走过这个男人——身穿黑色紧身牛仔裤和一件冷冰冰的白T，像第二层皮肤一样罩住他那令人印象深刻肩膀和胸肌。
They proceeded along the narrow pavement in awkward silence, walking close enough together to sometimes bump elbows or hips.
他们沿着狭窄的人行道走着，沉默得令人尴尬。有时走得很近，会偶尔碰到对方的肘部或臀部。
Fiona kept her eyes on Christian's tanned forearms and hands as he pushed the stroller.
当克里斯蒂安推着婴儿车时，菲奥娜就盯着他深褐色的前臂和手看。
She knew quite well his eyes slid sideways every few seconds, drawn to the swell of her partly revealed breasts, no doubt quite visible from his superior height. A sudden chilly breeze swirled around the corner. A glance downwards showed the hard little nubs tenting her bright knitted top. She folded her arms. “Is it far? Maybe we should have brought sweatshirts.”
她很清楚，他的眼珠儿隔几秒就会忍不住窥视她优美的曲线，他那么高，这个动作无疑很显眼。附近突然刮来一阵寒冷的微风，向下瞥见她色彩明亮的针织衫被风吹得有点鼓起来。她抱着双臂，“还远吗？也许我们该带上运动衫的。”
He shook his head. “Just around the next curve. Very sheltered.”
他摇摇头“就在下个拐弯处，非常隐蔽。”
Nicola crooned in her stroller, oblivious to the emotions strung bowstring-tight behind her.
妮可拉在婴儿车里哭泣，对自身后的紧张气氛浑然不觉。
*
Laughter and a babble of conversation greeted them as they arrived. Everyone had gathered on the covered terrace cantilevered out from the harbor side of the house. As they approached, Fiona glimpsed long leather sofas and a vast flat-screen TV through floor to ceiling glass doors folded wide to the evening air.
当他们抵达时，迎接他们的是笑声和高声交谈。人们聚集在房子靠港湾那边悬伸出来的有的露台上。当他们走近时，菲奥娜瞥见长长的真皮沙发和一个巨大的平板电视，从地面一直延伸到夜幕中折叠着的天花板玻璃门。
Christian introduced her to his friends.
克里斯蒂安向他的朋友们介绍她。
“Jan's sister Fiona. Just helping out for a few days.”
“简的妹妹菲奥娜，来帮几天忙。”
“Lovely to meet you, Fiona,” their hostess Jennifer said, accepting the salad with a nod of thanks and turning aside to place it on the expansive outdoor table already studded with platters and bowls of food.
“很开心见到你，菲奥娜”，女主人珍妮弗说着，接过沙拉并点头道谢，转身将其放在一个宽敞的户外桌上，桌子上已经摆满了盛着食物的盘子和碗。
“Glad you could join us,” her husband Sam added as he shook Fiona's hand in greeting. “We've all lost a great friend in Jan. Christian's lucky to have you.”
“很高兴你可以加入我们，”她的丈夫山姆补充道，并和菲奥娜握了握手。“我们大家失去了简这个好朋友。幸好，克里斯蒂安还有你。”
Her heart did a regretful dive.
她的心失落地一沉。
He doesn't see it that way. He doesn't want me here. He doesn't want me anywhere near him or his gorgeous daughter.
他并不这样认为。他不想我留在这儿。他不想要我留在他或他漂亮的女儿身边。
About twenty other adults were already there, all dressed casually but expensively. Fiona felt pleased enough with her new clothes.
那儿大约已经有二十个人，他们穿着随意，但服饰昂贵。菲奥娜对她的新衣服感到很满意。
And her hair. It was hard to remember the hair, but she caught Christian yet again eyeing it and then looking away. Not to his taste. Tough.
对新发型也很满意。虽然不容易记住发型吧，但她看到克里斯蒂安再次盯着她看，随后目光又望向别处。不合他口味，很难。
Two black-aproned waiters circulated, offering trays of nibbles to the guests. Fiona chose a couple of skewered grilled bacon-wrapped scallops and dipped them into the accompanying bowl of tangy sauce.
两名身着黑色围裙服务员流动向客人提供小吃盘。菲奥娜拿了几根培根扇贝烤串，蘸着搭配的浓汤。
She drifted across to the railing edging the terrace. Christian's home sat across the abyss; between the two properties, the land dropped away in a breathtaking sweep.
她晃悠到露台边上靠着栏杆。而克里斯蒂安的家坐落在深渊对面；这两处房产之间的土地有一处惊险的下沉。
The harbor lay quiet, far below. She stood looking down for a few moments and then sighed with resignation, turned her back to the view, and watched the other guests.
极低处的港口很宁静。她站着看了一会儿，然后无奈地叹了口气，转过身去，望着其他的客人们。
Christian approached with two glasses of wine. He threw a greeting sideways to one of the other women and Fiona saw her straighten, raise her chin, and smile at him.
克里斯蒂安端着两杯红酒走近，向另一个女人打招呼，菲奥娜看见她站直了，扬起下巴，对他微笑。
The late sun shot a golden sheen over his ebony hair and threw sharp shadows across his body. The white T-shirt molded to his torso. Her afternoon's imaginings were accurate. The strength of his shoulders, the definition of his chest and the taper of his waist were all very evident. The snug black jeans showed off long taut thighs and a very cute butt. No wonder he'd drawn admiring glances from the woman. Now he was single again Fiona had to expect others would make a concerted play for him. He was seriously attractive, dynamic, wealthy—a real catch.
夕阳在他乌黑的头发上撒下金色的光芒，在他身上留下大片的阴影。白T恤透露出他的身躯。她下午时分的想象很准确。他结实的肩膀，胸部轮廓和腰部曲线都非常清晰。紧身的黑色牛仔裤衬托出紧实大长腿和非常可爱的臀部。难怪他赢得了那个女人爱慕的目光。现在他又成了单身汉，菲奥娜曾期待别人为他牵线搭桥。他真的很迷人，充满活力又多金——一个真正有吸引力的人。
And forbidden to her.
只不过，她无从染指。
She reached for her wine at the same instant he handed it across. The glass tipped against her fingers. The wine cascaded over the rim, and on instinct she flipped her palm up to catch the liquid. Christian set both glasses down on the nearby railing and imprisoned her wrist in his big hand.
在他递酒的同时她也碰到了酒。玻璃杯在她指间倾倒，葡萄酒撒在酒杯边缘上，她手掌本能地向上抓液体，克里斯蒂安将两个酒杯放在附近的栏杆上，一把将她的手腕抓在他的大手中。
He lowered his face and Fiona's senses jolted as his lips nuzzled her skin and sucked the wine into his mouth.
他低下头，当他鼻子紧贴菲奥娜的皮肤，将酒吸进嘴里的时候，她觉得自己整个人都摇摇晃晃的。
“Too good to waste,” he murmured, licking between each of her fingers as she stood frozen, mute, astounded.
“太浪费了，”他低声说道，他舔舐着她的每一根手指，而她只是僵硬地站在那儿，说不出话来，异常震惊。
He'd do that in front of his friends just days after his wife had died? How many of them had seen? She stared at him as he lifted his face from her hand. His eyes were dark, huge, haunted, and held hers unwaveringly.
就在妻子去世后几天，当着朋友们的面儿，他这样做？有多少人看见了？当他从手指间抬起脸时，她盯着他。他眼眸深黑硕大，他困惑但坚定地迎上她的目光。
“It's a very nice Shiraz,” he said as though that made it permissible to run his sinful tongue over her skin, lighting the nerve-ends like sizzling firecrackers.
“西拉，这酒真不错，”他说道，好像她允许他罪恶的舌头舔舐她的皮肤，神经末梢像咝咝作响的爆竹般被点亮。
She wrenched her gaze from his, reached across to the railing for her glass, and sipped as a diversion from the overwhelming sensations shooting up her arm. “Lovely,” she agreed. “Soft. Gorgeous.”
她把目光从他那里挪开，端起放在栏杆那边的酒杯，啜饮着，像是在品味刚刚手臂上那种难以抗拒的感觉。“愉悦，”她应声道，“温和，美好。”
Christian picked up his own glass and tipped it in an ironic salute. “To soft gorgeous wine,” he said. “And soft gorgeous women.”
克里斯蒂安端起自己的酒杯，以一种讽刺的致敬的方式碰杯。“敬适口的美酒，”他说，“敬这位柔情的美人”。
