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第11章 爱之物语(3)

她不能粗鲁无礼。他们确实需要好好谈谈,谈谈他将如何看着自己惟一的爱人被癌症夺走。让他如何接受?她把门开大些,他慢慢走了进来。

“我不知道你为什么不和我谈。我不知道为什么我们不能在一起。难道你不知道我有多爱你吗?”他失落地把手插进棕色的头发里,继续说道:“你可以告诉我任何你要说的事情。我今天在这里,明天,永远都在这里。你是知道的。但是,现在出了什么问题?”

他轻轻地抱着她坐在沙发上。那一刻,她所有的恐惧、痛苦都消失了。世界上任何事情都无所谓,只要他们能够永远在一起。一行眼泪悄悄地从她的右脸颊上滴落,落在杰克的肩上。

她擦干泪水,说道:“我爱你,但这正是我让你离开我的原因。”杰克不愿意看到她如此消沉。她是一个意志坚强的人。她从未像现在这样失落,这使他产生了一种不祥的感觉。

“让我离开?天哪,到底为什么?”杰克更紧地拥着她,在她的脸颊上轻轻地吻了一下。

“我得了乳癌,我也是在几周前才知道。我不想嫁给你,因为我不想让你痛苦……”

他用男人最甜蜜的热吻打断了她的话。她所有的疑虑和恐惧像风一样慢慢散去。所有的一切都恢复了正常,他们又找回了曾经以为已经失去的爱情。

他们将永远生活在爱的港湾。

To My Darling Wife

Can it really be sixtytwo years ago that I first saw you?

It is truly a lifetime,I know.But as I gaze into your eyes now,it seems like only yesterday that I first saw you,in that small cafe in Hanover Square.

From the moment I saw you smile,as you opened the door for that young mother and her newborn baby.I knew.I knew that I wanted to share the rest of my life with you.

I still think of how foolish I must have looked,as I gazed at you,that first time.I remember watching you intently,as you took off your hat and loosely shook your short dark hair with your fingers.I felt myself becoming immersed in your every detail,as you placed your hat on the table and cupped your hands around the hot cup of tea,gently blowing the steam away with your pouted lips.

From that moment,everything seemed to make perfect sense to me.The people in the cafe and the busy street outside all disappeared into a hazy blur.All I could see was you.

All through my life I have relived that very first day.Many,many times I have sat and thought about that the first day,and how for a few fleeting moments I am there,feeling again what is like to know true love for the very first time.It pleases me that I can still have those feelings now after all those years,and I know I will always have them to comfort me.

Not even as I shook and trembled uncontrollably in the trenches,did I forget your face.I would sit huddled into the wet mud,terrified,as the hails of bullets and mortars crashed down around me.I would clutch my rifle tightly to my heart,and think again of that very first day we met.I would cry out in fear,as the noise of war beat down around me.But,as I thought of you and saw you smiling back at me,everything around me would be become silent,and I would be with you again for a few precious moments,far from the death and destruction.It would not be until I opened my eyes once again,that I would see and hear the carnage of the war around me.

I cannot tell you how strong my love for you was back then,when I returned to you on leave in the September,feeling battered,bruised and fragile.We held each other so tight I thought we would burst.I asked you to marry me the very same day and I whooped with joy when you looked deep into my eyes and said “yes”to being my bride.

I’m looking at our wedding photo now,the one on our dressing table,next to your jewellery box.I think of how young and innocent we were back then.I remember being on the church steps grinning like a Cheshire cat,when you said how dashing and handsome I looked in my uniform.The photo is old and faded now,but when I look at it,I only see the bright vibrant colors of our youth.I can still remember every detail of the pretty wedding dress your mother made for you,with its fine delicate lace and pretty pearls.If I concentrate hard enough,I can smell the sweetness of your wedding bouquet as you held it so proudly for everyone to see.

I remember being so over enjoyed,when a year later,you gently held my hand to your waist and whispered in my ear that we were going to be a family.

I know both our children love you dearly;they are outside the door now,waiting.

Do you remember how I panicked like a mad man when Jonathon was born?I can still picture you laughing and smiling at me now,as I clumsily held him for the very first time in my arms.I watched as your laughter faded into tears,as I stared at him and cried my own tears of joy.

Sarah and Tom arrived this morning with little Tessie.Can you remember how we both hugged each other tightly when we saw our tiny granddaughter for the first time?I can’t believe she will be eight next month.I am trying not to cry,my love,as I tell you how beautiful she looks today in her pretty dress and red shiny shoes,she reminds me so much of you that first day we met.She has her hair cut short now,just like yours was all those years ago.When I met her at the door her smile wrapped around me like a warm glove,just like yours used to do,my darling.

I know you are tired,my dear,and I must let you go.But I love you so much and it hurts to do so.

As we grew old together,I would tease you that you had not changed since we first met.But it is true,my darling.I do not see the wrinkles and grey hair that other people see.When I look at you now,I only see your sweet tender lips and youthful sparkling eyes as we sat and had out first picnic next to that small stream,and chased each other around that big old oak tree.I remember wishing those first few days together would last forever.Do you remember how exciting and wonderful those days were?

I must go now,my darling.Our children are waiting outside.They want to say goodbye to you.

I wipe the tears away from my eyes and bend my frail old legs down to the floor,so that I can kneel beside you.I lean close to you and take hold of your hand and kiss your tender lips for the very last time.

Sleep peacefully my dear.

I am sad that you had to leave me,but please don’t worry.I am content,knowing I will be with you soon.I am too old and too empty now to live much longer without you.

I know it won’t be long before we meet again in that small cafe in Hanover Square.

Goodbye,my darling wife.

致爱妻

我们初次相遇,难道真的是六十二年前吗?

年华似水,倏忽间我们已相携一世。望着你的眼睛,当年的邂逅历历如在昨昔,就在汉诺威广场的那间小咖啡馆里。

从见到你的那一刻起,那一刻你正为一位年轻的母亲和她的小宝宝开门,那一刻当看到你的盈盈笑靥,我就明白我只愿与你执手携老,共度今生。

我仍然不时想起,那天自己那样地盯着你,一定很傻;就那样情不自禁怔怔地望着你,追随你摘下小帽,用手指松了松短短的黑发,追随你把帽子放在桌前,双手捧起暖暖的茶杯,追随你微撅樱唇,轻轻吹走飘腾的热气,我的目光始终追随着你,感觉自己在你的温柔举止间慢慢融化。

从那一刻起,一切似乎都鲜明了意义。咖啡馆里的来来往往和外面闹市的熙熙攘攘忽然都模糊了起来,我眼里能看到的,只有你。

光阴似箭,那一天却不断在我的记忆里重演,鲜活如初。多少次我再次坐下,不断追忆那天的点滴,不断回味那些飞纵的瞬间,重新体会一见钟情的美丽。岁月的流逝却并没有带走我的爱恋感觉,这些体验会永远伴随我,安抚我的寥寥余生。

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