I am not sure that you were not right, because a girl does so often raise herself in her lover's estimation by refusing him half a dozen times. But you were not up to that.""Indeed I was not. I am sure I did not intend to give any trouble to anybody.""But you did. Only think of my going up to London to meet him, and of him coming from Aldershot to meet me, simply that we might put our heads together how to overcome the perversity of such a young woman as you!" There then came a look almost of pain on Ayala's brow. "But I do believe it was for the best. In this way he came to understand how absolutely necessary you were to him.""Am I necessary to him?"
"He thinks so."
"Oh, if I can only be necessary to him always! But there should have been no going up to London. I should have rushed into his arms at once.""That would have been unusual."
"But so is he unusual," said Ayala.
It is probable that the Colonel did not enjoy his days at Stalham before his marriage, except during the hour or two in which he was allowed to take Ayala out for a last walk. Such days can hardly be agreeable to the man of whom it is known by all around him that he is on the eve of committing matrimony. There is always, on such occasions, a feeling of weakness, as though the man had been subdued, brought at length into a cage and tamed, so as to be made fit for domestic purposes, and deprived of his ancient ******* amongst the woods; whereas the girl feels herself to be the triumphant conqueror, who has successfully performed this great act of taming. Such being the case, the man had perhaps better keep away till he is forced to appear at the church door.
Nevertheless our Colonel did enjoy his last walk. "Oh, yes,"she said, "of course we will go to the old wood. Where else?
I am so glad that poor fox went through Gobblegoose -- otherwise we should never have gone there, and then who knows whether you and I would ever have been friends again any more?""If one wood hadn't been there, I think another would have been found.""Ah, that's just it. You can know that you had a purpose, and perhaps were determined to carry it out.""Well, rather."
"But I couldn't be sure of that. I couldn't carry out my purpose, even if I had one. I had to doubt, and to be unhappy, and to hate myself, because I had been perverse. I declare, I do think you men have so much the best of it. How glorious would it have been to be able to walk straight up and say, Jonathan Stubbs, I love you better than all the world. Will you be my husband?""But suppose the Jonathan Stubbs of the occasion were to decline the honour. Where would you be then?""That would be disagreeable," said Ayala.
"It is disagreeable -- as you made me feel twice over.""Oh, Jonathan, I am so sorry."
"Therefore it is possible that you may have the best of it.""And so you never will take another walk with Ayala Dormer?"she said, as they were returning home.
"Never another," he replied.
