At subsequent lectures, however, I did not feel my isolation so strongly, since I made several acquaintances and got into the way of shaking hands and entering into conversation.Yet for some reason or another no real intimacy ever sprang up between us, and I often found myself depressed and only feigning cheerfulness.
With the set which comprised Iwin and "the aristocrats," as they were generally known, I could not make any headway at all, for, as I now remember, I was always shy and churlish to them, and nodded to them only when they nodded to me; so that they had little inducement to desire my acquaintance.With most of the other students, however, this arose from quite a different cause.
As soon as ever I discerned friendliness on the part of a comrade, I at once gave him to understand that I went to luncheon with Prince Ivan Ivanovitch and kept my own drozhki.All this I said merely to show myself in the most favourable light in his eyes, and to induce him to like me all the more; yet almost invariably the only result of my communicating to him the intelligence concerning the drozhki and my relationship to Prince Ivan Ivanovitch was that, to my astonishment, he at once adopted a cold and haughty bearing towards me.
Among us we had a Crown student named Operoff--a very modest, industrious, and clever young fellow, who always offered one his hand like a slab of wood (that is to say, without closing his fingers or ****** the slightest movement with them); with the result that his comrades often did the same to him in jest, and called it the "deal board" way of shaking hands.He and I nearly always sat next to one another, and discussed matters generally.
In particular he pleased me with the ******* with which he would criticise the professors as he pointed out to me with great clearness and acumen the merits or demerits of their respective ways of teaching and made occasional fun of them.Such remarks I found exceedingly striking and diverting when uttered in his quiet, mincing voice.Nevertheless he never let a lecture pass without taking careful notes of it in his fine handwriting, and eventually we decided to join forces, and to do our preparation together.Things had progressed to the point of his always looking pleased when I took my usual seat beside him when, unfortunately, I one day found it necessary to inform him that, before her death, my mother had besought my father never to allow us to enter for a government scholarship, as well as that I myself considered Crown students, no matter how clever, to be-
"well, they are not GENTLEMEN," I concluded, though beginning to flounder a little and grow red.At the moment Operoff said nothing, but at subsequent lectures he ceased to greet me or to offer me his board-like hand, and never attempted to talk to me, but, as soon as ever I sat down, he would lean his head upon his arm, and purport to be absorbed in his notebooks.I was surprised at this sudden coolness, but looked upon it as infra dig, "pour un jeune homme de bonne maison" to curry favour with a mere Crown student of an Operoff, and so left him severely alone--though I confess that his aloofness hurt my feelings.On one occasion I arrived before him, and, since the lecture was to be delivered by a popular professor whom students came to hear who did not usually attend such functions, I found almost every seat occupied.Accordingly I secured Operoff's place for myself by spreading my notebooks on the desk before it; after which I left the room again for a moment.When I returned I perceived that my paraphernalia had been relegated to the bench behind, and the place taken by Operoff himself.I remarked to him that I had already secured it by placing my notebooks there.
"I know nothing about that," he replied sharply, yet without looking up at me.
"I tell you I placed my notebooks there," I repeated, purposely trying to bluster, in the hope of intimidating him."Every one saw me do it," I added, including the students near me in my glance.Several of them looked at me with curiosity, yet none of them spoke.
"Seats cannot be booked here," said Operoff."Whoever first sits down in a place keeps it," and, settling himself angrily where he was, he flashed at me a glance of defiance.
"Well, that only means that you are a cad," I said.
I have an idea that he murmured something about my being "a stupid young idiot," but I decided not to hear it.What would be the use, I asked myself, of my hearing it? That we should brawl like a couple of manants over less than nothing? (I was very fond of the word manants, and often used it for meeting awkward junctures.) Perhaps I should have said something more had not, at that moment, a door slammed and the professor (dressed in a blue frockcoat, and shuffling his feet as he walked) ascended the rostrum.
Nevertheless, when the examination was about to come on, and I had need of some one's notebooks, Operoff remembered his promise to lend me his, and we did our preparation together.
