After a short conversation Mrs. Chickerel said, 'You say you want to ask me something?'
'Yes: but nothing of importance, mother. I was thinking about Picotee, and what would be the best thing to do--'
'Ah, well you may, Berta. I am so uneasy about this life you have led us into, and full of fear that your plans may break down; if they do, whatever will become of us? I know you are doing your best; but I cannot help thinking that the coming to London and living with you was wild and rash, and not well weighed afore we set about it. You should have counted the cost first, and not advised it. If you break down, and we are all discovered living so queer and unnatural, right in the heart of the aristocracy, we should be the laughing-stock of the country: it would kill me, and ruin us all--utterly ruin us!'
'O mother, I know all that so well!' exclaimed Ethelberta, tears of anguish filling her eyes. 'Don't depress me more than I depress myself by such fears, or you will bring about the very thing we strive to avoid! My only chance is in keeping in good spirits, and why don't you try to help me a little by taking a brighter view of things?'
'I know I ought to, my dear girl, but I cannot. I do so wish that Inever let you tempt me and the children away from the Lodge. Icannot think why I allowed myself to be so persuaded--cannot think!
You are not to blame--it is I. I am much older than you, and ought to have known better than listen to such a scheme. This undertaking seems too big--the bills frighten me. I have never been used to such wild adventure, and I can't sleep at night for fear that your tale-telling will go wrong, and we shall all be exposed and shamed.
A story-teller seems such an impossible castle-in-the-air sort of a trade for getting a living by--I cannot think how ever you came to dream of such an unheard-of thing.'
'But it is NOT a castle in the air, and it DOES get a living!' said Ethelberta, her lip quivering.
'Well, yes, while it is just a new thing; but I am afraid it cannot last--that's what I fear. People will find you out as one of a family of servants, and their pride will be stung at having gone to hear your romancing; then they will go no more, and what will happen to us and the poor little ones?'
'We must all scatter again!'
'If we could get as we were once, I wouldn't mind that. But we shall have lost our character as ****** country folk who know nothing, which are the only class of poor people that squires will give any help to; and I much doubt if the girls would get places after such a discovery--it would be so awkward and unheard-of.'
'Well, all I can say is,' replied Ethelberta, 'that I will do my best. All that I have is theirs and yours as much as mine, and these arrangements are simply on their account. I don't like my relations being my servants; but if they did not work for me, they would have to work for others, and my service is much lighter and pleasanter than any other lady's would be for them, so the advantages are worth the risk. If I stood alone, I would go and hide my head in any hole, and care no more about the world and its ways. I wish I was well out of it, and at the bottom of a quiet grave--anybody might have the world for me then! But don't let me disturb you longer; it is getting late.'
Ethelberta then wished her mother good-night, and went away. To attempt confidences on such an ethereal matter as love was now absurd; her hermit spirit was doomed to dwell apart as usual; and she applied herself to deep thinking without aid and alone. Not only was there Picotee's misery to disperse; it became imperative to consider how best to overpass a more general catastrophe.
