Those torturers took me from city to town,from town to village,from village to farm,happier than a lark with their earnings.They made fun of poor Lazaro,and they would sing:"Hooray,hooray for the fish.He earns our keep while we loaf."
My "coffin"was placed on a cart,and three men went along with me:the mule driver,the man who pulled on the rope whenever I tried to say anything,and the one who told all about me.This last one would make a speech about the strange way they caught me,telling more lies than a tailor at Eastertime.When we were traveling and no one else was around,they let me talk,and that was the only courtesy they showed me.I asked them who the devil had put it in their heads to take me around like that,in a fish bowl.They answered that if they didn't do it I would die on the spot because,since I was a fish,I couldn't live out of water.When I saw how their minds were set on the idea,I decided to be a fish,and I finally convinced myself that I was one:after all,everyone else thought that's what I was,and that the seawater had changed me into one,and they say that the voice of the people is the voice of God.So from then on I was as silent as a man at mass.They took me to the capital,and there they really made a lot of money.Because the people there,being idlers,liked novelties.
Among all the people who came to see me there were two students.They studied the features of my face very carefully,and then,in a low tone,they said that they would swear on the Bible I was a man and not a fish.And they said if they were the authorities they would get at the naked truth by taking a leather strap to our naked shoulders.I was praying to God with all my heart and soul that they would do it,as long as they could get me out of there.I tried to help them by shouting,'You scholars are right."But I hardly had my mouth open when my guard pulled me under the water.Everyone's shouting when I ducked (or,rather,when they dunked me)stopped those good scholars from going on with their talk.
They threw bread to me,and I would bolt it down almost before it had a chance to get wet.They didn't give me half of what I could eat.I remembered the feasts I had in Toledo,how well I ate with my German friends,and that good wine I used to announce in the streets.I prayed to God to repeat the miracle of Cana of Galilee and not let me die at the hands of water--my worst enemy.I thought about what those students had said,which no one heard because of the noise.I realized that I was a man,and I never thought otherwise from then on,although my wife had told me many times that I was a beast,and the boys at Toledo used to say,"Mr.Lazaro,pull your hat down a little--we can see your horns."
All this,along with the sauce I was in,had made me doubt whether or not I really was a man.But after I heard those blessed earthly diviners,I had no more doubts about it,and I tried to escape from the hands of those Chaldeans.
Once,in the dead of night,I saw that my guards were fast asleep,and I tried to get loose.But the ropes around me were wet,and I couldn't.I thought about shouting,but I decided that that wouldn't work,since the first one who heard me would seal my mouth with a half-gallon of water.When I saw that way out cut off,I began to twist around impatiently in the slough,and I struggled and pushed so much that the cask turned over,and me along with it.All the water spilled out,and when I found myself freed I shouted for help.
The fishermen were terrified when they realized what I'd done,and they quickly hit on a solution:they stopped up my mouth by stuffing it full of seaweed.And to muddle my shouts,they began to shout themselves,even louder,calling out,"Help,help,call the law!"And as they were doing all this,they filled the cask back up with water from a nearby well,with unbelievable speed.The innkeeper came running out with a battle-ax,and everyone else at the inn came out armed with iron pokers and sticks.
All the neighbors came in,along with a constable and six deputies who happened to be passing by.The innkeeper asked the sailors what had happened,and they answered that thieves had tried to steal their fish.And like a madman he began shouting,"Get the thieves,get the thieves!"Some went to see if they had gotten out the door;others went to find out if they were escaping across the rooftops.And as for me,my custodians had put me back in my vat.
It happened that the water that spilled out all ran through a hole in the floor,onto the bed of a room downstairs where the daughter of the house was sleeping.Now this girl had been so moved to charity that she had brought a young priest in with her to spend the night in contemplation.They became so frightened when the deluge fell on the bed and all the people began shouting that they crawled out through a window as naked as Adam and Eve,without even a fig leaf to cover their private parts.There was a full moon,and its brightness was so great that it could have competed with the sun.When the people saw them they shouted,"Get the thieves,catch the thieves!"The deputies and the constable ran after the girl and the priest and quickly caught up with them because they were barefoot and the stones on the ground made it difficult for them to run.And in one swoop they led them off to jail.Early next morning the fishermen left Madrid to go to Toledo,and they never did find out what God had done with that ****** little maiden and the devout priest.
