The great day came.It was ushered in by the roar of musketry, the ringing of the village church bell, the squeaking of fifes, and the rattling of drums.
People poured into the village from all over the county.
Never had W-- experienced such a jam.Never had there been such an onslaught upon gingerbread carts.Never had New England rum (for this was before Neal Dow's day) flowed so freely.And W--'s fair daughters, who mounted the house-tops to see the surrender, had never looked fairer.The old folks came, too, and among them were several war-scarred heroes, who had fought gallantly at Monmouth and Yorktown.These brave sons of '76 took no part in the demonstration, but an honored bench was set apart for their exclusive use on the piazza of Sile Smith's store.When they were dry all they had to do was to sing out to Sile's boy, Jerry, "a leetle New Englan' this way, if YOU please." It was brought forthwith.
At precisely 9 o'clock, by the schoolmaster's new "Lepeen"watch, the American and British forces marched on to the village green and placed themselves in battle array, reminding the spectator of the time when "Brave Wolfe drew up his men In a style most pretty, On the Plains of Abraham Before the city."The character of Washington had been assigned to 'Squire Wood, a well-to-do and influential farmer, while that of Cornwallis had been given to the village lawyer, a kind-hearted but rather pompous person, whose name was Caleb Jones.
'Squire Wood, the Washington of the occasion, had met with many unexpected difficulties in preparing his forces, and in his perplexity he had emptied not only his own canteen but those of most of his aids.The consequence was--mortifying as it must be to all true Americans--blushing as I do to tell it, Washington at the commencement of the mimic struggle was most unqualifiedly drunk.
The sham fight commenced.Bang! bang! bang! from the Americans--bang! bang! bang! from the British.The bangs were kept hotly up until the powder gave out, and then came the order to charge.Hundreds of wooden bayonets flashed fiercely in the sunlight, each soldier taking very good care not to hit anybody.
"Thaz (hic) right," shouted Washington, who during the shooting had been racing his horse wildly up and down the line, "thaz right! GIN it to 'em! Cut their tarnal heads off!""On, Romans!" shrieked Cornwallis, who had once seen a theatrical performance and remembered the heroic appeals of the Thespian belligerents, "on to the fray! No sleep till mornin'.""Let eout all their bowels," yelled Washington, "and down with taxation on tea!"The fighting now ceased, the opposing forces were properly arranged, and Cornwallis, dismounting, prepared to present his sword to Washington according to programme.As he walked slowly towards the Father of His Country he rehearsed the little speech he had committed for the occasion, while the illustrious being who was to hear it was ****** desperate efforts to keep in his saddle.Now he would wildly brandish his sword and narrowly escape cutting off his horse's ears, and then he would fall suddenly forward on to the steed's neck, grasping the mane as drowning men seize hold of straws.
He was giving an inimitable representation of Toodles on horseback.All idea of the magnitude of the occasion had left him, and when he saw Cornwallis approaching, with slow and stately step, and sword-hilt extended toward him, he inquired, "What'n devil YOU want, any (hic) how!""General Washington," said Cornwallis, in dignified and impressive tones, "I tender you my sword.I need not inform you, Sir, how deeply--"The speech was here suddenly cut short by Washington, who, driving the spurs into his horse, playfully attempted to ride over the commander of the British forces.He was not permitted to do this, for his aids, seeing his unfortunate condition, seized the horse by the bridle, straightened Washington up in his saddle, and requested Cornwallis to proceed with his remarks.
"General Washington," said Cornwallis, "the British Lion prostrates himself at the feet of the American Eagle!""EAGLE? EAGLE!" yelled the infuriated Washington, rolling off his horse and hitting Cornwallis a frightful blow on the head with the flat of his sword, "do you call me a EAGLE, you mean, sneakin' cuss?" He struck him again, sending him to the ground, and said, "I'll learn you to call me a Eagle, you infernal scoundrel!"Cornwallis remained upon the ground only a moment.Smarting from the blows he had received, he arose with an entirely unlooked for recuperation on the part of the fallen, and in direct defiance of historical example; in spite of the men of both nations, indeed, he whipped the Immortal Washington until he roared for mercy.
The Americans, at first mortified and indignant at the conduct of their chief, now began to sympathize with him, and resolved to whip their mock foes in earnest.They rushed fiercely upon them, but the British were really the stronger party and drove the Americans back.Not content with this they charged madly upon them and drove them from the field--from the village, in fact.There were many heads damaged, eyes draped in mourning, noses fractured and legs lamed--it is a wonder that no one was killed outright.
Washington was confined to his house for several weeks, but he recovered at last.For a time there was a coolness between himself and Cornwallis, but they finally concluded to join the whole county in laughing about the surrender.
