Juan presented in the proper place, To proper placemen, every Russ credential;
And was received with all the due grimace By those who govern in the mood potential, Who, seeing a handsome stripling with smooth face, Thought (what in state affairs is most essential)
That they as easily might do the youngster, As hawks may pounce upon a woodland songster.
They err'd, as aged men will do; but by And by we 'll talk of that; and if we don't, 'T will be because our notion is not high Of politicians and their double front, Who live by lies, yet dare not boldly lie:-Now what I love in women is, they won't Or can't do otherwise than lie, but do it So well, the very truth seems falsehood to it.
And, after all, what is a lie? 'T is but The truth in masquerade; and I defy Historians, heroes, lawyers. priests, to put A fact without some leaven of a lie.
The very shadow of true Truth would shut Up annals, revelations, poesy, And prophecy- except it should be dated Some years before the incidents related.
Praised be all liars and all lies! Who now Can tax my mild Muse with misanthropy?
She rings the world's 'Te Deum,' and her brow Blushes for those who will not:- but to sigh Is idle; let us like most others bow, Kiss hands, feet, any part of majesty, After the good example of 'Green Erin,'
Whose shamrock now seems rather worse for wearing.
Don Juan was presented, and his dress And mien excited general admiration-I don't know which was more admired or less:
One monstrous diamond drew much observation, Which Catherine in a moment of 'ivresse'
(In love or brandy's fervent fermentation)
Bestow'd upon him, as the public learn'd;
And, to say truth, it had been fairly earn'd.
Besides the ministers and underlings, Who must be courteous to the accredited Diplomatists of rather wavering kings, Until their royal riddle 's fully read, The very clerks,- those somewhat dirty springs Of office, or the house of office, fed By foul corruption into streams,- even they Were hardly rude enough to earn their pay:
And insolence no doubt is what they are Employ'd for, since it is their daily labour, In the dear offices of peace or war;
And should you doubt, pray ask of your next neighbour, When for a passport, or some other bar To *******, he applied (a grief and a bore), If he found not his spawn of taxborn riches, But Juan was received with much 'empressement:'-These phrases of refinement I must borrow From our next neighbours' land, where, like a chessman, There is a move set down for joy or sorrow Not only in mere talking, but the press. Man In islands is, it seems, downright and thorough, More than on continents- as if the sea (See Billingsgate) made even the tongue more free.
And yet the British 'Damme' 's rather Attic:
Your continental oaths are but incontinent, And turn on things which no aristocratic Spirit would name, and therefore even I won't anent This subject quote; as it would be schismatic In politesse, and have a sound affronting in 't:-But 'Damme' 's quite ethereal, though too daring-Platonic blasphemy, the soul of swearing.
For downright rudeness, ye may stay at home;
For true or false politeness (and scarce that Now) you may cross the blue deep and white foam-The first the emblem (rarely though) of what You leave behind, the next of much you come To meet. However, 't is no time to chat On general topics: poems must confine Themselves to unity, like this of mine.
In the great world,- which, being interpreted, Meaneth the west or worst end of a city, And about twice two thousand people bred By no means to be very wise or witty, But to sit up while others lie in bed, And look down on the universe with pity,-Juan, as an inveterate patrician, Was well received by persons of condition.
He was a bachelor, which is a matter Of import both to virgin and to bride, The former's hymeneal hopes to flatter;
And (should she not hold fast by love or pride)
'T is also of some moment to the latter:
A rib 's a thorn in a wed gallant's side, Requires decorum, and is apt to double The horrid sin- and what 's still worse, the trouble.
But Juan was a bachelor- of arts, And parts, and hearts: he danced and sung, and had An air as sentimental as Mozart's Softest of melodies; and could be sad Or cheerful, without any 'flaws or starts,'
Just at the proper time; and though a lad, Had seen the world- which is a curious sight, And very much unlike what people write.
Fair virgins blush'd upon him; wedded dames Bloom'd also in less transitory hues;
For both commodities dwell by the Thames, The painting and the painted; youth, ceruse, Against his heart preferr'd their usual claims, Such as no gentleman can quite refuse:
Daughters admired his dress, and pious mothers Inquired his income, and if he had brothers.
The milliners who furnish 'drapery Misses'
Throughout the season, upon speculation Of payment ere the honey-moon's last kisses Have waned into a crescent's coruscation, Thought such an opportunity as this is, Of a rich foreigner's initiation, Not to be overlook'd- and gave such credit, That future bridegrooms swore, and sigh'd, and paid it.
The Blues, that tender tribe who sigh o'er sonnets, And with the pages of the last Review Line the interior of their heads or bonnets, Advanced in all their azure's highest hue:
They talk'd bad French or Spanish, and upon its Late authors ask'd him for a hint or two;
And which was softest, Russian or Castilian?
And whether in his travels he saw Ilion?
Juan, who was a little superficial, And not in literature a great Drawcansir, Examined by this learned and especial Jury of matrons, scarce knew what to answer:
His duties warlike, loving or official, His steady application as a dancer, Had kept him from the brink of Hippocrene, Which now he found was blue instead of green.
However, he replied at hazard, with A modest confidence and calm assurance, Which lent his learned lucubrations pith, And pass'd for arguments of good endurance.
That prodigy, Miss Araminta Smith (Who at sixteen translated 'Hercules Furens'
